


difficulty level: hard

by theochan



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, Disappointment, Gen, Self-Hatred, banri settsu centric, burned out banri settsu, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29757324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theochan/pseuds/theochan
Summary: He could be the best at everything without even trying. Until now. Until he realized that his life's difficulty level suddenly changed to hard mode.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	difficulty level: hard

**Author's Note:**

> TW: self-hating thoughts, depression, constant fatigue

Everything was so easy back then. When Banri was ten, he could finish his homework in one hour and then do whatever he wanted. When he was fourteen, he easily managed to be the top student. He could be the best at everything without even trying. Until now. Until he realized that his life's difficulty level suddenly changed to hard mode.

Why in the world is being the best so hard right now? Banri is nineteen and he feels like life has decided to prank him. He is still pretending that getting straight As and keeping up with acting simultaneously is a piece of cake. Actually, every morning he needs to spend most of his energy just on waking up, brushing his teeth and washing his face. Everything he does after these three tasks gives him headaches and strengthens his self-hatred.

Banri still smirks whenever someone compliments him, but most of the time his expression is just blank. It's not zoning out kind of blank, it's deep in thoughts kind of blank. Banri's facade doesn't slip off even when he is tired and feels sick to his stomach, he is always that badass who is going through life with ease but not being able to express his feelings openly because of the reputation he built up over the years is awful. Banri feels suffocated every time one of his classmates comes to him with a question. Banri doesn't know the answer and he doesn't know how to say it. He is not the best anymore. He is rapidly falling apart and nobody is noticing. Probably, it's not a big deal. Probably, it's just his soul dying.

Practices are so much harder too. Banri barely manages to find energy for two or more hours of constant repetitions. He tries to do everything perfectly and whenever he forgets his line or stutters, he wants to punch himself in the face. Why is he so worthless? Why is he so useless? Why can't he do it as easily as before? Why did everything change? When is everything going back to normal?

Banri goes to sleep much later than before. He pretends that he is just playing games or watches dumb videos on his phone but in reality he goes over and over Autumn Troupe's scripts or his own university notes. Banri tries so hard to memorize them perfectly but every day his memory seems to get worse and worse.

Banri hates himself and doesn't know how to get out of this. His life suddenly seems like a path full of darkness. For the first time in his life Banri is actually scared.

**Author's Note:**

> Banri is a burned out gifted kid and I am going to die on that hill. Actually, that fic is just venting but I think that Banri can struggle with the same troubles like me, so yeah. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and i hope that you liked it. Would really like to read your thoughts about it!


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